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Illuminati - 2012 by Nishan A. Kumaraperu tells the story of Ethan Swan (anagram: Satan When), a trust fund pretty boy who also happens to be a genius with a photographic memory and black belts in multiple martial arts, goes to a lecture by his surrogate father, who gives a lecture about the Illuminati and then is ritually murdered in front of Ethan. On page 15. He shouts "WHY!!!" when it happens.

After this, everyone starts trying to kill him. He runs to the safety of his sugar daddy of a godfather Christof Natash (can you spot the hidden secret there?). There we also meet Christof's daughter Angelica, the ex-marine turned model who was Ethan's first crush.

A couple more people try and kill Ethan while the ex-marine stands around helplessly fretting and we discover that not only is Ethan a handsome genius ninja millionaire playboy but also super-strong with a mutant healing factor. Angelica has also been in love with him since forever and why won't he get with the sexing already!

Shortly after that we discover that Ethan is, surprise surprise, intended to be the anti-christ. But he rebels against his programming because he has FREE WILL and LOVE and some stuff that he shouts out while beating the crap out of an old man instead of killing him so that he has something to remember him by.

Anyway, Christof is really the mastermind behind the whole thing and they kill him because he's a bad man and then they decide that they are going to track down every member of the Illuminati and kill them.

So, to sum up: Self published, Illumaniti conspiracy mixed with pre-millennial dispensationism mixed with straight to video action movie plot. The book is subtitled "The Book The World Does Not Want You To Read". The cover adds: "A work of fiction... or is it?". I'm going to have to side with the World on this and suggest the same. I'm very comfortable saying that yes, it is a work of fiction and a bad one at that.

John Enzinas reads frequently and passionately. In his spare time he plays with swords.