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March/April 2013
 
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Plumage from Pegasus
Off On a Tangent: F&SF Style
 
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Plumage from Pegasus
by Paul Di Filippo

Kozmic Kickstarter


PROJECT 103,047
CROSS-BRANE CHORUS

 
PROJECT STATEMENT: Assemble, rehearse, and take on the road a chorus of identical individuals from several timelines.

 
PROJECT FUNDING: 3.95 megacoins.

 
PRESENTATION PRÉCIS: Hi, Kickstarters! My name is Hayden Planarian, and I'm a well-established singer, having performed at such venues as Trump Marsport, Hard Rock Café Puppis, and Bellagio Casino Ursa Major. My dream right now is to recruit approximately fifty of my doppelgängers from across various parallel branes to form a unique chorus of myselves, then conduct a galactic tour. I would not draw any salary from the Kickstarter funds, but instead subsist on whatever ticket sales accrue, divided equally among myself and my "sisters." My major expenses are 1) securing access to cross-brane portals (approximate power demands per minute of active usage is point zero five percent of standard annual solar output); and 2) hiring translators, bodyguards, and diplomats, as well as providing bribes, on those branes that deviate significantly and perhaps dangerously from my own.


REWARDS

PLEDGE 1 KILOCOIN OR MORE: live playback parrot with my latest suite of songs installed.
PLEDGE 110 KILOCOINS OR MORE: inclusion of donor in a role in my promotional Multiverse TV augmented reality software.
PLEDGE 1 MEGACOIN OR MORE: house concert for you and ten of your friends (methane-breathers excluded).
PLEDGE 110 MEGACOINS OR MORE: one-night stand with myself and any desired number of my counterparts.

 
PERCENT FUNDED: variable across multiple branes.

 


PROJECT 450,329
UPLIFT SLIMEMOLDS OF
UPSILON ANDROMEDAE VII
TO SENTIENCE

 
PROJECT STATEMENT: The Society for the Extension of Turing-ready Species wishes to confer sophont-hood on the highest lifeform of Upsilon Andromedae VII.

 
PROJECT FUNDING: 1.510 gigacoins.

 
PRESENTATION PRÉCIS: As the wavefront of SETS works its way across the galaxy, our dedicated missionaries have encountered many species that were just trembling on the verge of sentience, and needed little more than a stern lecture from one of our Monoliths or the introduction of a non-cannibalistic mating ritual to make the leap to true self-awareness. But with the slimemolds of Upsilon Andromedae VII, we are faced with a truly superhuman task. We cannot use genetic engineering to impose our own ineluctably biased standards of sentience on a species that can barely yet climb a simple ramp, but must instead rely on accelerated Darwinian evolution in situ. Although the chronofield generators are fairly inexpensive, this project will take eons, and we must budget for continuous Uatu-level monitoring during that period.

 


REWARDS

PLEDGE 1 MEGACOIN OR MORE: receive small terrarium full of rudimentary slimemold inhabitants.
PLEDGE 110 MEGACOINS OR MORE: determine which kind of economic system any particular slimemold nation will utilize.
PLEDGE 1 GIGACOIN OR MORE: be allowed to destroy one slimemold city of your choice, when city-building stage is reached.
PLEDGE 110 GIGACOINS OR MORE: become the supreme deity of one fully self-aware slimemold society, with all associated privileges.

 
PERCENT FUNDED: .9%

 


PROJECT 1,333,807
RECREATE ENTIRE 25-PART GEORGE LUCAS STAR WARS MYTHOS ON A 1:1 SCALE WITH REALITY

 
PROJECT STATEMENT: To emulate to a high degree of precison what will become, in effect, a live-role-playing simulation of the entire canon of ancient Star Wars "movies."

 
PROJECT FUNDING: 8.620 petacoins

 
PRESENTATION PRÉCIS: Galactic civilization having finally reached a developmental stage that matches or surpasses that depicted in the High Chaotic Period entertainment franchise known as the Star Wars Mythos, it is now finally possible to "swede up," as the period slang would have it, a remake of the entire saga, a production that completely eschews special effects of any kind, thus providing a more authentic experience for the dedicated acolytes of this cult. (Small cosmetic enhancements and prosthetics will be allowed to bring contemporary characters into complete conformity with the originals.) We need to purchase many, many items in advance, such as several planets and Death Stars for destruction; to hire millions of extras; and to work out the last few bugs from the design of the double-bladed Lightsaber so that its users do not instantly kill themselves upon activation of the unwieldy weapon. After an internecine interplanetary civil war between rival factions of our team, we have cut down our original cost estimates by deciding to forego hiring any scriptwriters to improve the dialogue.

 


REWARDS

PLEDGE 1 TERACOIN OR MORE: date with either Han Solo, Chewbacca, or slave Leia.
PLEDGE 110 TERACOINS OR MORE: ten one-hour life-coach sessions with Yoda.
PLEDGE 1 PETACOIN OR MORE: allowed to kill Jar Jar Binks after LARP recreation is ended.
PLEDGE 110 PETACOINS OR MORE: Darth Vader will father your heir.

 
PERCENT FUNDED: "Do or do not…there is no try."

 


PROJECT 89,234,553
BUILD DYSON SPHERE AROUND 51 PEGASI

 
PROJECT STATEMENT: We intend to disassemble all planets in this system with the exception of exoEarth 51 Peg b for the construction of a totally sealed adamantium, energy-sequestering and causal-blockage globe around the primary.

 
PROJECT FUNDING: 5.825 zettacoins.

 
PRESENTATION PRÉCIS: The best stochastics for 51 Peg b indicate an imminent Singularity incident within the next three years, plus or minus 10%. The League to Preserve Baseline Humanity wants to shield the planet from contact with the rest of the galaxy—and vice versa—well before that time, while still allowing its residents maximum developmental freedom, under the terms of the United Planets charter (the famous "life, liberty, and the pursuit of computational density" clause). The well-being and stability of all systems inside a ten-thousand-light-year sphere with 51 Pegasi at its center is our primary concern.

 


REWARDS

PLEDGE 1 EXACOIN OR MORE: one (1) rivet to be manufactured with donor's DNA incorporated into its alloy.
PLEDGE 110 EXACOINS OR MORE: likeness of donor engraved on inner surface of the Dyson Sphere at astronomical magnitude.
PLEDGE 1 ZETTACOIN OR MORE: deed to one billion square kilometers of exterior shell surface. No liability for harm, mutation, or contagion intended.
PLEDGE 110 ZETTACOINS OR MORE: rights to address one question per solar year to the 51 Peg b Singularity Mind. No answer or utility of answer guaranteed.

 
PERCENT FUNDED: 115%

 


PROJECT 932,456,834,192,128
TURN E. L. JAMES IX FAN FICTION INTO BEST-SELLING URBAN FANTASY NOVEL

 
PROJECT STATEMENT: I have written over two thousand pages of fan fiction based on the novel Shades of Ultraviolet by E. L. James IX, and I need to revise it to feature supernatural elements.

 
PROJECT FUNDING: 10,000 zeptocoins.

 
PRESENTATION PRÉCIS: Although the franchise begun by the original E. L. James and continued by her dynastic successors owed its origin to the supernaturally replete Twilight series, all E. L. James, Inc., properties since that first repurposing have been rigorously stripped of any paranormal elements. I was inspired recently (by sales figures for paranormal romances) to conceive of restoring these occult plot and character tropes to my own clonal iteration of the sampling of the mashup of the slash homage. The small sum I am asking for will cover merely my caffeine consumption, interweb service fees, and purchase of inspirational fantasy trilogies during the revision process, much of which will be facilitated by market-based, reader-polled, artificially creative content- provider software packages.

 


REWARDS

PLEDGE 10 YOCTOCOINS OR MORE: one line drawing of my novel's heroine produced by my cousin, as featured on deviantART.
PLEDGE 100 YOCTOCOINS OR MORE: naming rights to one human character.
PLEDGE 10 ZEPTOCOINS OR MORE: naming rights to one sexy supernatural character.
PLEDGE 100 ZEPTOCOINS OR MORE: hologram of the author in a genuine thoatskin corset.

 
PERCENT FUNDED: -99%

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