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Alien Vs. Predator (**)
Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson
Written Paul W.S. Anderson, based on characters created by H. R. Giger, Dan O'Bannon, Ronald Shusett, Jim Thomas, and John Thomas
Principal Cast
Sanaa Lathan -- Alexa Woods
Raoul Bova -- Sebastian de Rosa
Lance Henriksen -- Charles Bishop Weyland
Ewen Bremner -- Graeme Miller
Colin Salmon -- Maxwell Stafford
Tommy Flanagan -- Mark Verheiden
Joseph Rye -- Joe Connors
Agathe De La Boulaye -- Adele Rousseau
Carsten Norgaard -- Rusten Quinn
Sam Troughton -- Thomas Parks
Ratings are based on Rick's four star system.
One star - the commercials are more entertaining than the viewing.
Two stars - watch if you have nothing better to do.
Three stars - good solid entertainment.
Four stars - you never dreamed viewing could be this good.
Past Feature Reviews
A review by Rick Norwood

Alien Vs. Predator Very early in the film, if you watch closely, you catch a glimpse on a television screen of Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney, Jr., icons of the Universal horror films. Lon Chaney, Jr.'s last film (made in 1971!) was Dracula Vs. Frankenstein, reputed to be one of the dumbest films ever made. It can't be much dumber than Alien Vs. Predator. I found myself wondering, as dim, indecipherable action flickered on the screen, what Paul W.S. Anderson is thinking when he writes a line as dumb as, "The Aztecs used numbers based on ten, so I deduce that the pyramid will reconfigure itself every ten minutes." There are so many problems with that line, I'll just mention one -- the minute was invented by the Babylonians, who based their numbers on sixty. So, is Paul W.S. Anderson so stupid that he doesn't know a dumb line when he writes one? Or does Paul W.S. Anderson know it is a dumb line, but thinks the audience is so stupid they won't know how dumb the line is? A third possibility, the one I think most likely, is that Paul W.S. Anderson knows that the audience will realize how dumb the line is, but doesn't care.

The middle hour of the movie is not worth watching, but in the last fifteen minutes, after all the other humans are done for and the last human standing chooses sides, there is a certain amount of fun to be had.

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Copyright © 2004 Rick Norwood

Rick Norwood is a mathematician and writer whose small press publishing house, Manuscript Press, has published books by Hal Clement, R.A. Lafferty, and Hal Foster. He is also the editor of Comics Revue Monthly, which publishes such classic comic strips as Flash Gordon, Sky Masters, Modesty Blaise, Tarzan, Odd Bodkins, Casey Ruggles, The Phantom, Gasoline Alley, Krazy Kat, Alley Oop, Little Orphan Annie, Barnaby, Buz Sawyer, and Steve Canyon.

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