RESULTS OF F&SF COMPETITION #89
EVERY reader with rhyme and rhythm was asked to turn an sf/f story into a limerick, a five-line rhymed (AABBA) poem with stressed and unstressed syllables (typically, u S u u S u u S). Not everyone could manage to stick to the meter and be funny at the same time. Many thanks to the winners, who distilled a familiar tale into a limerick that's funny, bawdy, and/or just plain entertaining.
The works of J.R.R. Tolkien
When Tolkien invented One Ring
And devoted four books to the thing,
He couldn't foresee
Peter Jackson's decree:
"Six films from four books and ka-ching!"
Dune by Frank Herbert
"I'm lost now," said Piter De Vries,
"Tell the Guild I am very displeased!
"Your Nav'gator's price
"Was paid out in spice
"But he snorted so much that he sneezed!"
Star Trek "The Trouble with Tribbles"
When I first wrote that damn script for Gene
And the electrical picture machine,
Fuzzies have chased their creator
From here to Decatur.
No one knows of the tribbles I've seen.
The Null-A series by A.E. van Vogt
A young Null-A stud name of Claus
Won all the young ladies? Applause.
He prolonged their delight
All day and all night
With the cortico-thalamic pause.
The Vorkosigan Saga by Lois McMaster Bujold
A Vor lord, Miles Naismith Vorkosigan
Is taking his mercs where blood flowsagain
While he demonstrates flair
For transworldly affairs
He'll soon need help locating his clothesagain.
A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin
There once was a lady named Stark
Who trusted a Frey on a lark
Guest-right should have been
Safe enough for her men
But it was a stab in the dark.
F&SF COMPETITION #90
GAME OF PROSE
According to an announcement from his British publisher, the upcoming installment of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, The Winds of Winter, will not be released in 2015. We could reread the books again (and again). Or we could finish it ourselves. For your next assignment, write the last paragraph of Martin's final book, A Dream of Spring.
And with the defeat of Stannis Baratheon, the seasons aligned, and the maesters could then determine that winter would last only ninety days a year. The remaining Starks changed their family motto to "Winter is coming. No, seriously."
You have a maximum of six entries (either in one email/letter or six separate ones, it makes no difference), with a maximum of fifty words each. Make it funny, because we need something to cheer us up until 2016. Or, egads, 2017.
Please remember to include your snail mail address.
Send entries to Competition Editor, F&SF, 240 West 73rd St. #1201, New York, NY 10023-2794, or email entries
to carol [a-t] cybrid [d-o-t] net.
Be sure to include your contact information. Entries must be received by July 15, 2015.
Judges are the editors of F&SF, and their decision is final. All entries become the property of F&SF.
First prize will receive a talking plush George R. R. Martin doll, courtesy of Factory Entertainment.
Second prize will receive advance reading copies of three forthcoming novels.
Any Honorable Mentions will receive one-year subscriptions to F&SF.
Results of Competition 90 will appear in the Nov/Dec 2015 issue.