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F&SF Forum » The Process of Writing

SF Jokes

(114 posts)
  • Started 6 years ago by JohnWThiel
  • Latest reply from Marian

  1. JohnWThiel
    Member

    Did you hear about the nihilist who took out a full program and then cancelled all his options?

    A forum might need a little humor, such as was piloted on the Dell Forums. Think out a science fiction joke and try it out in this topic.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  2. CWJ
    Member

    I once blew up an entire planet in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  3. geoffhart1962
    Member

    A time traveller walks into a bar.

    Stop me if you've heard this one.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  4. Did you hear the one about the two dragons who couldn't mate?

    Turned out to be nothing but a reptile dysfunction.

    (You must say this out loud for proper effect.)

    Posted 6 years ago #
  5. arowhena
    Member

    I can see Uranus from here.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  6. geoffhart1962
    Member

    A time traveller walks into a bar.

    Stop me if you've heard ths one.

    *G*

    Posted 6 years ago #
  7. Kevin C.
    Member

    We all know of Jar Jar Binks, but few have heard of his ne'er do well Uncle Vinn. Vinn is a bit on the shady side, and in order to laundry money, set up a night club serving native cuisine. He did it on the cheap, building the club out of a derelict transport that crashed in a marsh, with furnishings from the local dump. As a last moment addition, Vinn decided to have a house band, put together from local musicians playing traditional instruments.

    To everyone's surprise, the club was a huge success. Each night there was a steady stream of air cars from Theed, with waits of an hour or more just to get in. Reservations had to be made months in advance. The main draw was the band. Native music became an instant hit.

    This, of course, didn't escape the attention of others, who quickly created knock-off native clubs. One, set up by a wealthy entertainment magnet named Ian, was almost an exact copy of Vinn's, down to the furnishings and a native band. Ian went so far as to boast he would drive Vinn under.

    However, things didn't work out quite that way. Try as they might, that funky little band Vinn threw together at the last moment couldn't be imitated. One by one the knock-offs closed. Ian's held out for a time before it, too, was too much of a money sink and it, too, went out of business.

    "There was no contest," the manager later confided. "You've a better band than Ian's, Gunga Vinn."

    Posted 6 years ago #
  8. "You've a better band than Ian's, Gunga Vinn." Major Groan, but good. And I thought _my_ pun was bad! :)

    Posted 6 years ago #
  9. JohnWThiel
    Member

    Go ahead, Geoff, tell your joke.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  10. Kevin C.
    Member

    Grin. Thanks, Dave.

    It's off-topic, but Hunt Technologies, now owned by Landis+Gyr, is an automated meter reading system formerly known at Turtle (tm) for it's use of a low bit rate power line carrier system. So naturally, the failure of a Turtle (tm) meter to communicate was known among meter techs as reptile dysfunction.

    The Hunt sales rep didn't think it was funny when I asked him about it . . .

    Posted 6 years ago #
  11. Kevin C.
    Member

    Klingon stand-up comic:

    "LAUGH! NOW!"

    Posted 6 years ago #
  12. JohnWThiel
    Member

    Everybody talks about the weather, but science is doing something about it.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  13. Kevin C.
    Member

    Got Mole Problems? Call Avogadro.

    (Stolen from Omni)

    Posted 6 years ago #
  14. Kevin C.
    Member

    Do Kzin get cat scans?

    Posted 6 years ago #
  15. Winks
    Member

    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
    One says, "I think I lost an electron!"
    The other asks, "Are you sure?"
    The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

    Posted 6 years ago #
  16. JohnWThiel
    Member

    That's ions fiction.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  17. geoffhart1962
    Member

    John asked me to tell my actual joke. John, all I can say is the humor lies in the timing.

    Speaking of which, if you enjoy time travel jokes:
    http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/funny-facebook-fails-failbook-jokes-are-all-about-timing.gif

    Posted 6 years ago #
  18. Kevin C.
    Member

    A time traveler, just as a lark,
    Dropped in to see Lewis and Clark.
    Kissed Sacajawea,
    Returned to Montpelier,
    Which now was a Texan theme park.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  19. JohnWThiel
    Member

    Song suggested by the Venus Transit, in two part harmony:

    "I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, at your desire".

    Posted 6 years ago #
  20. JohnWThiel
    Member

    A man who believes in a nova without evidence is superstitious.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  21. JohnWThiel
    Member

    A fellow whose update installation wasn't completed reported it by attempting to work the installation himself from his control panel and got back a program with an error message.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  22. aethercowboy
    Member

    A climatologist and a climate change denier walk into a bar. The climatologist orders a drink, and, while waiting asks the denier: "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

    The denier suddenly shouts: "NEITHER!"

    Posted 6 years ago #
  23. Kevin C.
    Member

    Two isotopes walk into a bar.
    One says "I got fired."
    The other asked "What for?"
    The first replies "They said I was dense, unstable, and would probably split, anyway."

    Posted 6 years ago #
  24. Kevin C.
    Member

    An alien walked into a deli, ordered a bagel, and hosed it down with O2.
    The owner asked "What did you do that for?"
    The alien said, "I heard it was better with LOx."

    Posted 6 years ago #
  25. JohnWThiel
    Member

    What did the surfacing octopus say to the anthropologist who kept it in a tank as a pet?

    answer: Polylegged wants a cracker!

    Posted 6 years ago #
  26. geoffhart1962
    Member

    John noted: "Polylegged wants a cracker!"

    The only possible response: "Release the kraker!"

    Posted 6 years ago #
  27. JohnWThiel
    Member

    An apartment dweller was spying on another dweller in the same building to see if he was insane. He could swear he had heard the man talking to himself. Finally he found the man in an alcove and discovered he was talking on a cell phone. Ending his call, the man pointed out that the cell phone was a scientific device and hence an epitome of rationality, which was not true of the other man's delusion that he had been talking to himself.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  28. Petlaw
    Member

    Humor can bring a breath of fresh air to office environment. But before cracking any joke in this office always remember that there is a fine line between the joke that gets a laugh and the joke that gets you fired.

    Office Jokes

    Posted 5 years ago #
  29. JohnWThiel
    Member

    Geoff---ah, so it was a TIME joke. I've thought it over for some time, and now I'm ready to laugh. One, two, three: Ha, Ha, Ha!

    Posted 5 years ago #
  30. JohnWThiel
    Member

    Here's a fandom joke, did you hear about the Secret Master of Fandom who was so secret, only he knew about it?

    Posted 5 years ago #

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