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Ferdinand Feghoot

(10 posts)
  • Started 2 years ago by Marian
  • Latest reply from jimbraiden

  1. Marian

    Anyone remember Ferdinand Feghoot? It originated here in F&SF.

    I was reminded when Whortleberry Press posted that question on Facebook. Check it out on their Facebook. What's interesting is those who clearly had never heard of good ol' Feghoot.

    For those not in the know, you missed some truly wonderfully terrible puns. My favorite is where a knight is offered a ride on a giant dog and someone protests "I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this!"

    Anyone else have favorites that have stuck in the brain all these years or is everyone just thinking "What is she talking about?"

    Posted 2 years ago #
  2. MattHughes

    My favorite: "A niche in time saves Stein."

    Posted 2 years ago #
  3. It's early in the morning and I'm still foggy, but wasn't it Reginald Bretnor who wrote these? It's been such a long time since I've even thought of them that I can't recall any offhand, but remember laughing out loud at some of the atrocious puns.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  4. AKAkarlb

    Oh, man, they were groaners, so as an early teen naturally I loved them.
    A couple I remember - an ill-timed diplomatic junket touches off war between Cuba and India: "Fidel roamed while Nehru burned." Somebody has a baffling vision and sees angels playing baseball and scoring lots of runs: "In the big inning God created the heavens and the earth."
    Dave: yeah, Bretnor wrote them, they were billed as by "Grendal Briarton," an anagram.
    In about 1962 Randall Garrett (as "Grandall Barretton")did a take-off on Feghoot in Amazing, "Through Time and Space with Benedict Breadfruit." There were about half a dozen of them and the twist is that until the gist of the joke was revealed at the end of the series, nobody could guess what the gag was: puns on the names of famous science fiction writers. I only remember one of those: when asked how he removed space barnacles from the hull of his spaceship, Breadfruit said, "I gas 'em off."
    Matt, "A niche in time saves Stein" is from Asimov's "A Loint of Paw," a completely Feghootian story if not an actual Feghoot itself.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  5. Gordon Van Gelder

    I remember being baffled by one that ended with "A furry with a syringe on top." I'd never heard the musical OKLAHOMA! and the gag was completely lost on me.

    I ran a Feghoot by John Varley in the Jan. 2003 issue of F&SF.

    ---Gordon V.G.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  6. Dr. Caligari

    The "furry with the syringe on the top" was exactly the one I was going to quote.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  7. MattHughes

    Asimov? This is why I no longer rely on my memory. Much of my past appears to have been confabulated.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  8. Greg

    It's important to stick as closely as possible to the consensus confabulation, so as not to be singled out.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  9. Dr. Caligari

    Asimov could be very Feghootian at times (there was that one about the "world of giant aunts"), but I don't think anyone ever did it as well as Bretnor.

    Some small press once put out a hardback anthology of the magazine pieces called, IIRC, "Through Time and Space with Ferdinand Feghoot." I saw it in a SF bookstore in Massachusetts in the 1970s, but (foolishly) didn't buy it.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  10. jimbraiden

    By 2322, all Africa was divided into three Empires, those of the Black Muslims, the Black Mormons, and the Black Masons, all engaged in the most intense cultural rivalry.

    Ludwig Bifuwayo, who as Thrice-Exalted Supreme Noble Grand exercised absolute power in the Masonic domain, was especially anxious to outshine the others.

    One day, in distress, he called Ferdinand Feghoot. "Mr. Feghoot," he moaned, "it's about my son Jack. Eventually he'll inherit my throne. His education and culture must excel those of all rival rulers. I have imported the greatest of scholars, the rarest of books. I have sought
    the most eminent witchdoctors, the most costly psychiatrists. I have given the lad every advantage. I have allowed him to keep a pet anteater. I have even flown in an entire theatrical troupe from Kyoto to amuse him."

    His voice broke. "B-but he-he just seems to take less and less interest, to get m-more and more stupid."

    To his utter astonishment, Feghoot grinned cheerfully.

    "You m-m-mock me," wept the ruler.

    "Certainly not, Your Magnificence," declared Ferdinand Feghoot. "It's just that you yourself gave me the answer. Take the anteater away! Send the troupe back to Nippon! . . . Aardvark and Noh Play make Jack a dull
    boy. "

    Posted 2 years ago #

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